Easy Street Is A Hard Living

Today was an interesting morning. The first few thoughts of my day were pretty intense that I couldn't help share. Actually, there was only one thought that I thought was pretty intense and the rest were normal. Things like "I should probably wake up" and "I need a new toothbrush" are going to be skipped over.

This morning, out of my lethargic state, I thought to myself "it's so easy to dislike something about yourself." Wow. Intense right? Well, for an early morning thought, I kind of felt like Aristotle or some big shot motivational speaker. Well, along with that also came "it's easy to fear" and "it's easy to do wrong."

Easy. That's the common word in all of these morning discoveries. It's funny when you know things deep inside but just fail to notice them on a daily basis. EASY. Easy is what i've always tried to avoid but whose arms I always run back into. When I was younger my mom always told me "Bad things are easy to do but hard to live with. Good things are hard to do but easy to live." I guess I do a lot of things the hard way because I started out doing things the easy way. And when I thought of all these easy things that i've been doing to myself, I realized that i'm experiencing the hardship now. Cause these past few days, weeks, months-- I haven't been myself to the fullest extent. There's a lot of things on my mind that I can't explain. And there's a lot of things inside of me that can't be expressed. But yet, I am blessed to be the way I am. To know myself the way I do. That even though I can pick out the flaws and weaknesses before any of the good qualities in myself, I am still pretty blessed to be here and to be living my life the hard way.

The way I am is complicated and I'm never sure about it one hundred percent. But I know i'm in this life for the long run. I don't give up easily and when I want something, I'll get it fair and square. Even if someone tells me NO, it won't stop me. When I love, i'll love the hard way. And right now as I live, I choose the hard way. I mean, who has ever heard of people on E! True Hollywood Story with an easy life.

This morning I realized a valuable lesson: Surrender is EASY.
But I also made a valuable decision today: I don't like EASY.