Donnie Darko Life Lessons

It wasn't love. It never was. There is some kind of connection you make when you enter a relationship; any kind of relationship, really. Whether you are best friends, friends with benefits, dating, or simply platonic-- there's always a connection. I had a connection. There was no definition of what we were or what we were doing. I was actually kind of confused about what I was doing but in the moment, I just knew what I wanted and what I wanted trumped what was right. And what happened then was simply, sinfully amazing. The consequences of which I emotionally, being a girl and all, handled with unease.

So, time passed. Things changed. I changed. I hadn't seen his face in a long time and I was okay. I was doing fine actually. Living vicariously through chick flicks, other people's lives, and my lovely dreams had been working out for me. Of course loneliness peeks it's face out once in a while but... I was okay. Honest.

He comes around and I'm thrown. I'm over him. I'm done with that. Time changes people. I went from completely enthralled by his mere presence to completely not interested in just a matter of time. But time doesn't erase feelings and memories and scars. Time moves you forward and when you look back you get those knots in your stomach and you start remembering. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't let him leave a mark on the new me. I'm newly healed. I'm ready for another adventure. No repeats. The fact that he was there, hanging out in my newly remodeled life just made me so uncomfortable--so scared. And sitting there with him only made me flash back to the Donnie Darko scenes about the time line between fear and love.Yes, I was scared to look at him, to talk to him, to be near him. No, I never loved him. But I agree with Donnie when he says that life is more complex than just fear and love. Life is more real and truthful.

So here I am totally confused by all this. I don't really get it and I don't know if I ever will. Maybe i'm even scared to wrap my mind around where he and I stand. Fear is a bitch. All I know is that I honestly don't want to spend so much time trying to figure this out. Time is of the essence and I can't spend the rest of my life living in the past or living vicariously through others.

Here's to old love, other disasters, and new ones to come. I just hope adventure is on its way soon. I'm ready to experience something new.