A lot of people have been asking about my personal life lately. Personal as in... who am I dating. It happens to be a common theme around the holidays. I don't know. I guess people are curious.
To ease the curiosity, the answer is... NO. I'm not dating anyone right now. And if anyone asks that question again i'll direct them to this blog.
The reason why i'm not dating anyone is simple yet complex. Small yet complicated. Here we go...
1. No one wants the whole, complete Christina package. They might like part of me or maybe even just the thought of me but not ALL of me.
2. I don't think guys are all that interested in me. Well, that's what I think. If they are... they have a weird way of showing it.
3. I'm very bad at relationships. Never been good at them. Who is? I just seem to have it a little tougher than most. I suck at the whole forever right now thing. I don't really get it.
4. I'm not looking but I am looking. If I fall in love, I want it to be real. I don't want some wishy washy, dilly dally type of bullcrap. I want the REAL THING. I guess if I know that it's nothing much, I just brush it off. On the other hand, when I feel something weird I run away. Told you... I suck at relationships.
5. I think I see guys as more of my brothers rather than anything else. He may be waving a flag but i'm probably not seeing it.
6. I'm in love with John Mayer. At this point, anyone who doesn't live up to John Mayer just can't have me. I may not know him personally and may never meet him (I do have some common sense...) but, I love him. And so far, no one else compares.
So there are my dilemmas. Reasons why no one wants me, no one has me, and why I'm not in a relationship.
I see people who have been together for years and still aren't the right fit but are too afraid to be alone. I've seen too many divorces in my time. I've been through broken hearts from almost every guy i've been close to. I don't use these as excuses. I am stronger than that. I use them as a learning opportunity. I know what I want and what I don't. Of course, as Shakespeare said, "love is blind." I do become stupid when thrown amidst the misery and agony of love love love. But hey, what's the fun without the stupidity? I think it's the balance between falling and out of control. You can fall in love but you can't lose all control. You've gotta bare the bad and find the good.
For now i'll be the 3rd wheel. Even the 5th. Hell... i'll even be the 13th wheel. I'd endure all of those feelings of... "maybe I do want someone now" or "ALL BYYY MYYYSELF!!!" or " screw boys." I just want something real. Give me something REAL.
Is that too much to ask?
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About Me
- I am Christina.
- The day my mother gave me wings was the day I started learning how to fly. I'm now realizing that it takes a lifetime to learn how to soar. This is my journey. Well, a part of it.
1 comment:
Never settle.
More importantly, let something come to you and have the sense to know if it will work for you (even marginally) because if your gut is telling you something it's usually right. :) I would have never met Rachel if it hadn't been for that sort of thought...and because of her I can honestly say that this is the best and most solid relationship I've ever been in. :)
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