Christina: November 2008

11.28.2008

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my hair! And i still have hair on my head. Imagine that.

11.16.2008

I LOVE COUNTRY MUSIC!

Ever since my freshman year in college, laying in my bed with mono and strep throat, wanting my momma, and thinking my life has come to its end... I flip the channels and find Keith Urban. I will never forget that day. 'Better Life' was blaring out my tv and I had no idea country music sounded so AMAZING. Or looked so amazing, I mean, look at the man-- he's really easy on the eyes! Plus, the lyrics were lifting my spirits.

"Someday baby, you and I are gonna be the ones and good lucks gonna shine
Someday baby you and I are gonna be the ones so hold on, we're heading for a better life."

I don't think the channel changed from channel 72 CMT for months.

Now, I go in and out of my music phases. I love mostly singer/songwriter music among other genres. I usually have a musical conversation with John Mayer (the love of my life), Rachael Yamagata, Matt Nathanson, Missy Higgins, Coldplay, Deathcab, some Chris Brown, and Sara Bareilles and Colbie Caillat. But similar to a lot of other things in life, you leave something alone for awhile and when you experience it again, it's like its the first time. Kind of like relationships or first kisses. I'm in that stage with country music--the first kiss stage.

See, i'm not one of those southern california country wannabes. In some ways I am. I will never be a country girl. I guess i'm a city girl through and through. But I don't and I never will wear cowboy boots and a cowboy hat with a mini skirt and tie my shirt up to show my belly button. Then show up to a concert only knowing the songs they play 24/7 on the radio. I know my country music. I know the oldies... kris, willie, johnny, merle, waylon, george and all 3 hanks. I mean... I am dedicated to studying the history of a genre I have fallen deeply in love with. I listen to both country stations here in the San Diego. 95.7 & 92.1 but I rather listen to my grandpa willie cd's. Yes, I wish Willie Nelson was my grandpa. He was so handsome when he was younger. There's something about a man who still smokes pot at his age that intrigues me.

Country music feels like home. It makes me feel like I should be in front of a fire place, sipping hot cocoa, with blankets and pillows all over the floor and a guitar sitting next to me. It just feels so good to belt out your favorite hits. Not hard to learn on the guitar. And when you go to piano bars you know that "I've Got Friends In Low Places" is gonna be played. I love singing along to that song... and I see faces of people who don't know it and I feel so bad for them. Kind of like how I don't know all the songs to Bohemian Rhapsody... I kind of just make up sounds that sound sort of accurate.

Kenny Chesney just came on my Country Station on pandora. Now he makes me feel like I should be at "Some Beach, Somewhere" haha....

11.15.2008

Puzzle Pieces

I just participated in a week long solo performance workshop. I had a chance to write and perform my own 3 minute monologue. The piece was inspired by the truth inside of me.

"When my mom left my dad she bought me a jigsaw puzzle. This was no ordinary puzzle for a 6 year old. No 50 piece Disney characters or barn yard animals. It was a 750 piece Wyland jigsaw puzzle entitled “Maui Dawn.” I didn’t understand why, but I started to do it. I think my mom wanted me to think about something other than the fact that things had changed. But being 6, I just remember the dolphins, the fish, the colors, and the sunset sky. I remember how scattered the pieces were and how the number 750 seemed like forever. It took me 9 months to finish it but I finished it. I got better over time. And then puzzles started to become my stress relief. They started to become my escape. Anytime something happened to me or if something was bothering me, I’d take it out on the puzzle. When Wendy Williams pantsed me in the middle of the playground, I came home and did a puzzle. When we moved, I did a puzzle. When I started a new school, I did a puzzle. When I didn’t get a part in the community theater production of Annie, I did a puzzle. When the divorce finalized, I did a puzzle. 750 pieces became 1000 pieces, 2000 pieces, 3D, circles, wood, photo mosaics and then Wyland became Kinkade, cityscapes, famous paintings, scenery, people, on and on… and then suddenly I’m in college. I had boxes of puzzles I wanted to do but never got around to do them. Until one day when I thought life couldn’t get any worse—I opened a box. I scattered 750 pieces of Times Square bustling with nightlife all over the floor. A landscape of neon lights, billboards, Broadway Shows, and people hailing taxis. I spread the pieces out and started to put it together. I finished it in 2 hours and it was in that moment I realized that the day my mom left my dad she handed me the greatest gift I could’ve ever asked for.

I WAS THAT PUZZLE.

All the pieces were there. I just had to sit down and figure them out. No matter the situation, no matter how scattered life may be, no matter how shattered life may seem—it’s how you pick up the pieces and put the puzzle back together… that’s what matters. "

11.03.2008

Escapist

I'm an escapist. I love that I am. I feel like there aren't many out there. But I don't like being one sometimes. There are realists who live day to day in their reality. I'm not sure how they do. They must think a lot with their heads. Not me! Nosiree. I'm a HEART kind of girl. The only thing bad about being a escapist is that the trip back to reality isn't smooth. It's more like a car crash.

I have an itch to leave and a yen for travel.

It's a beautifully tragic combination.

So right now, I'm kind of bandaged up, twiddling my fingers, tapping my toes, trying to be patient. I'm having a hard time sitting still. I want to beg God and ask him "WHEN'S IT GONNA BE MY TURN?!" but I keep my mouth shut. But inside, all I want is a one way ticket to somewhere i've never been.

If I don't feel something change soon, i'm not sure how i'm going to survive.