"Creative people live in a heightened reality," says Gallagher. "The good times feel extra good and the bad times feel extra bad. However, there are plenty of creative people who find other, healthier ways to deal with their emotions."
"Miles Davis, Charlie Parker, John Coltrane, Ray Charles, Billie Holiday, Jim Morrison, Johnny Cash, Eric Clapton, Sly Stone, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jerry Garcia, Bob Marley, Eddie Van Halen, Cobain, Eminem, members of the Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, Aerosmith and Metallica, and many others who heavily influenced their art used drugs and/or alcohol regularly during their creative peak."
Have you seen my Childhood? I'm searching for the world that I come from 'Cause I've been looking around In the lost and found of my heart... No one understands me They view it as such strange eccentricities... 'Cause I keep kidding around Like a child, but pardon me...
People say I'm not okay 'Cause I love such elementary things... It's been my fate to compensate, for the Childhood I've never known...
Have you seen my Childhood? I'm searching for that wonder in my youth Like pirates and adventurous dreams, Of conquest and kings on the throne...
Before you judge me, try hard to love me, Look within your heart then ask, Have you seen my Childhood?
People say I'm strange that way 'Cause I love such elementary things, It's been my fate to compensate, For the Childhood I've never known...
Have you seen my Childhood? I'm searching for that wonder in my youth Like fantastical stories to share The dreams I would dare, watch me fly...
Before you judge me, try hard to love me. The painful youth I've had
I can be pretty ugly tall short fat thin nice mean big small little huge fine good bad brave harsh hot cold I can be a lot of things to a lot of people
but I
I just want to be anything but commonplace.
"Some men see things as they are and say why - I dream things that never were and say why not." - George Bernard Shaw
If there ever was a man who listened to the way he felt over the way he thought or the way others thought
it was him.
no dance moves no music like his could ever come from the head
only the heart
my childhood spent in a car seat in the backseat of my mom's minivan singing to his tapes even if I didn't get the words
watching him on tv wanting to dance at the age of 3 he's the reason why i spent hours in the afternoons with a remote control hitting rewind play rewind play rewind fast foward play
watching thriller when i was in first grade scared to watch but still couldn't take my eyes off
let's remember him for his art his beautiful amazing crazy out there uncoverable art
so i'm learning now i'm finding out it's difficult to let go and know
you're gonna crash
but there's that moment when you've already let go and you realize you're mid air and everything moves so slow you see everything clear knowing you've done the damage you close your eyes and await the fate
This guy that I know, he used to always get angry with me. I won't get into the details of our relationship but he used to ask me, "What do you want?!" Actually, he'd ask me all the time. And i'd never have an answer. Which in turn, made him upset. Mostly because I really didn't know what I wanted from him.
Sometimes what I want is super clear. If I have a craving for chocolate or which color shirt to wear or which movie I want to watch.
But when it comes down to the deeper and bigger decisions in life, I really have no idea.
This reality has become a lot more depressing over the years. Especially because I've always been the type of girl who knew what she wanted. Or so I thought.
I'm beginning to realize that maybe it was just a bunch of words.
I was feeling the sadness slowly creeping up on me the last few days I was at Fume Bake (F is H and B is L). I was kind of angry and frustrated to be indoors on my last full day.
Eric sent me out to get a mini DV tape that cost 10 bucks at the general store so I didn't get one. Instead I bought a gatorade and walked toward the lake.
Travis was there.
We decided to take a walk around the lake. I had never done that before. It made my week's end so special. Travis is special. Good guy. I got a biology lesson from a certified botanist and biologist. Not to mention the spontaneous 3.5 mile hike around the lake.
It was a good day.
Now i'm home. I can barely see the stars. I miss the smell. I want the trees back and the blue sky. I wish I could have bottled it up.
But then I think...
If it was always within my reach, would it be as special as it is to me now?
No.
So now I wait for another opportunity to make it back up the hill. If I don't, then i'm perfectly happy with the memories I have. Many many memories.
This was blog worthy. We just made some espressos for everyone. Actually Teej and Tam are making espressos for everyone and i'm watching. The machine at the cabin here is about $1500. It's amazing. And it foams the milk. It's so so so good.
live each day up to its fullest. that's what i'm trying to do. at lease i'm trying to do. went for a little hike this morning. i took a bath and watched sound of music. listened to the boys play some more.
yesterday was a good day. really good. finally got those tapes.
i'm soon gonna head out to the studio to watch TJ work with some students.
i've been on a camera spree. here's my favorite from yesterday. TJ at the drums.
I have more blogs than days i've been here. Funny.
Yesterday afternoon/evening, I hung out with TJ. I saw him sitting by himself. So I just joined him. I got to see where he lives. He made me coffee. GOOD COFFEE. And he gave me a new toothbrush because E used mine. Gross.
Later on the guys hung out by the fire pit at the snack shop and talked. It's so awesome just to listen to them. I love that they are comfortable enough to joke around me. I love hom i'm comfortable enough to just laugh. I love listening.
I was sitting there thinking that I wasn't at Hume Lake Christian Camps. It felt like I was at a band retreat. Right now, it's like a time where we all get to have a chance and feel like family. To get to know each other a little better. To encourage. To work. To inspire.
Hello from my office! Or otherwise known as the bathroom. We're having real food made by Tam today. I'm so happy to have Teej around more now. Everything is so much better when he's around. He's a genious. Seriously. He can play EVERYTHING.
We hung out with Chris Simning last night. It's crazy cause he was the speaker my freshman year. I remember him so well. He was my favorite speaker out of all 4 years. He's speaking this week so i'm gonna go listen some of the days. There was a girl who went up to him at the snack shop and said "Hey! you were my speaker at Meadow Ranch 6 years ago! I have a picture with you!" After that Chris turns around to Ben and I and says, "It's weird how people have pictures with me." And I said, "I have a picture with you!" He laughed really hard!
It was awesome.
Here's another funny story. Hanging out with the guys and some of the staff yesterday, I met a girl who does video for the camp. She was desperate for someone who does video. I guess they're short staffed. Teej just blurts out "Christina does our video!" and then she offered me a job at Hume Lake Christian Camps. I turned it down unfortunately. Hah. But I'm gonna buy some tapes off of her.
I'm short on everything. I have to do laundry because I only packed for 3 or 4 days-ish.
OH! I woke up at 9 this morning. SO nice to sleep in. But my eyes were huge. Allergies.
Listening to Rachael Yamagata with the faintness of Teej on the taiko drums in the background.
As you can see, my favorite room in this house is the main master bedroom bathroom. There's a shower and a HUGE tub. I like to dream that... "I'M ON A BOAT!"
I spent some time on the lake yesterday. Went to hear the band play at chapel and then spent some time by the lake without any of the crazy loud noises from the campers. It's just as beautiful as I remembered.
The day my mother gave me wings was the day I started learning how to fly. I'm now realizing that it takes a lifetime to learn how to soar.
This is my journey. Well, a part of it.
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