The only thing I want RIGHT NOW

I sit at the piano with a mic in front of me and it fits. It feels so right. Can't deny it. Feels so good.

The Area Over My Head Is Off Limits

You know what I don't like? Guilt trips.
You know what i don't like even more? Getting guilt trips you don't deserve.

This guy called me today. Not on my cell phone. He called me at work. And he layed a big fat guilt trip on me. He started holding things over my head until I caved. But I didn't cave. I got upset. Which is even worse.

So for those of you who are masters in the art of guilt trips--lay off. It's not a good look for you.

Let me feel guilty in my own time.

I love to dance... I do... I.... Think....

Hour number 3 has come by pretty fast if you ask me. I'm here in the theater watching each piece go up and get their cues done. This year is going smooth. There aren't many complaints. Peter's piece was first up this morning. Good times. I 'm gonna miss Peter. Didn't like him at first. Now I'm sad that he's not coming back. I love the gays.

This process is draining. Honestly, we just keep going for hours just dancing and dancing the same part of the dance over and over again. And then there's arguments that go on, the themes we think about, the people who are missing... it's a big deal this teching stuff. But I love it. It's like a reality tv show. Honestly.

My last tech is for hip hop at 8. Lord knows i'll be here longer than 9. The back to the grind again tomorrow.

I just have keep telling myself I love to dance. Even though it's a long, stressful process and you want to pull your hair out and just punch the person standing next to you sometimes...

I'll just keep saying that "I love to dance" and hopefully i'll believe myself.

Life is Dogdy

I'm feeling overwhelmed. My life is like a massive game of dodgeball where it's the whole world against me. I've been dodging balls back and forth while there's egg shells on the floor and it's raining misery all over me. So it's getting to the point where I can tell myself to breathe and focus but words get jumbled in my head and breathe and focus sound like leave and give up.

There's tears hiding behind my eyes. They want to come out. But i'm trying so hard to not give in. I'm trying SO hard. It's one foot in front of the other.

I just want to be left alone in a dark room and I don't want to feel anything except keys and strings on my fingertips.

That's it. I'm Having British Children.

This boy is the next charlotte church.



I want to keep her...



I'm not gonna lie... I kind of have a crush on this little man...

Getting Back To The Roots

As some of you may know, today is Earth Day. I take pride in the fact that I live on this planet. I feel that if there really were other universes with other living creatures on other planets, that I would root for earth like it was my favroite sports team. But what I really started to ponder today were the lyrics to a song I heard on tv the other day.

You gotta have roots before branches...

I was in yoga today and I was doing tree pose and that popped into my head. And the fact that it's earth day made it seem more meaningful. Then, last week I watched Sweet Home Alabama. You know, the one with McDreamy and Reese Whitherspoon and that other hotty. Well... there was a line in that move that said something along the lines of...

You can have roots and wings...

I guess the concept of being rooted and grounded is a common theme in my life these days. Getting back to the basics and finally being able to shake the hand with the me before everything errupted. And I mean, nothing big has happened to me lately--nothing life changing. I just feel different and I'm not sure if I like it.

It's like dancing. You can keep learning harder things and new tricks. But every dancer has to go back and take a begining class again just to refresh their memory. It's a nice little jolt for the body and mind.

I want to get back to my roots and just let them soak. I want to make decisions based on what I want and not what other people might want. I want to live the life that I choose to lead-- a life based on faith and belief. And once I get there I'm positive that the growing will be natural and organic. Like a tree. Magic in the form of growth-- a constant knowledge of where my roots are and a faith that they are there to support me.

Once I get there... It'll just be Littlewings. Pure and simple.

LOVE IT!

Let's Talk Philosophy and George Michael

Does anyone else think that philosophy explains common sense in a more complicated manner using mathematical and scientific psychobabble?

This is what I think. This is my ode to philosophy:

I am here.

I am here because last night I set my alarm clock and this morning John Mayer Trio woke me up. I am here because I had a choice of either waking up or not (I chose the first, obviously). I am here because I have two feet and they can transport me to any destination I so choose and today, HERE is where they got me. Lastly, I am here because I am here.

BAM!
Short, simple, sweet.
My kind of philosophy.



On another note, hopefully today is better than yesterday. I can tell today is different already though. I mean, i started off my day with George Michael's new video on VH1. I think he might have just created the newest Gay anthem. More power to him.

Blurred

I had one of those days today where my world was crumbling down on me. One of those days where breathing was as hard as trying to find your life's purpose. Usually those two things are separate entities but on days like this one the lines get blurred and all I get left with is a few wet sleeves and a sunken heart.

How can someone dwell in denial and not even notice?

Picture me like this

I'm in a funk.
Mac N Cheese is gone.
I have brownie mix ready for preperation.
And The City of Film blasting.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, listen to them. They are great. And they are making me feel a lot better right now.

http://www.myspace.com/thecityonfilm

he's like a deathcab for cutie mixtape. But with better lyrics.

I'd Rather Be Wine Drunk

i would rather be wine drunk
than sober and clear
under these streetlights and
glowing with you here
you are my little furnace
you are my favorite song and
we're dancing in public
to the sounds of our town
to the traffic rolling down the i
i would rather be wine drunk
than sober and clear
when we're together
in weather so dear and
the ending so near and
all i want is right here

I just gotta, Brisbane

So I've made up my mind. I'm going to Australia during the 2009-2010 school year. The school: Queensland University of Technology. The only school that offers dance and visual media and a ton of other creative studies. I have a good feeling about this decision but I don't want to keep my hopes up.

So far, i've looked up the classes offered to international students and the steps we need to take. Since summer is in the winter, i get about 2months off in between the 2 semesters. Their second semester (my first semester) starts in july and ends in November and their first semester (my second) will start back up in Feburary and will end in July. So one whole year in another country! Sound exciting.

I'm gonna do most of the research on my own. If I can get most of my studies done next year... at least get to maybe almost 100 credits, then... I'll be in great shape! And as Mia Michaels told us, "if you have a goal, take one step every day toward that goal."

Here's today's step: Learn a little more about Brisbane, Queensland.

"Brisbane (pronounced /ˈbɹɪzbən/) is the state capital of Queensland. Brisbane is the third largest city in Australia and most populous city of Queensland. It is situated on the Brisbane River on low-lying Floodplain between Moreton Bay and the Great Dividing Range in south-eastern Queensland. The local indigenous people knew the area as Mian-jin, meaning 'place shaped as a spike'.[3]
The city is named after Sir Thomas Brisbane, the Governor of New South Wales from 1821 – 1825. The settlement grew from a penal colony established at his direction in 1824 at Redcliffe, 28 kilometres (17.4 mi) to the north. The colony moved to the current location of the Brisbane CBD in 1825, and free settlers were permitted from 1842. It was chosen as the capital when Queensland was proclaimed a separate colony in 1859."

-Wikipedia

The temperature isn't that bad actually. It gets up to the 80's and down to the 40's. Nothing new. Maybe a little colder than socal but shoot... i like sweaters.

"Brisbane has a growing live music scene, both popular and classical. The Queensland Performing Arts Complex consists of the Lyric Theatre, a Concert Hall, Cremorne Theatre and the Playhouse Theatre. The Queensland Ballet, Opera Queensland, Queensland Theatre Company and other performance art groups stage regular performances in the different venues. The La Boite Theatre Company performs at the Roundhouse Theatre at Kelvin Grove. The Powerhouse complex, Twelfth Night Theatre and Brisbane Arts Theatre also stage productions throughout the year.
Along with Beijing, Berlin, Birmingham and Marseille, Brisbane was nominated as one of the Top 5 International Music Hotspots by Billboard in 2007. There are also popular entertainment pubs and clubs within both the City and Fortitude Valley.[45][46]
The Queensland Museum is located at South Bank. The Queensland Gallery of Modern Art (GOMA), opened in December 2006, is one of the latest additions to the South Bank area and houses some of the most well-known pieces of modern art from within and outside Australia. GOMA is the largest modern art gallery in Australia. GOMA holds the Asia Pacific Triennial (ATP) which focuses on contemporary art from the Asia and Pacific in a variety of media from painting to video work. In Addition, its size enables the gallery to exhibit particularly large shows — the Andy Warhol exhibition being the largest survey of his work in Australia. GOMA also boasts Australia's largest purpose-built Cinémathèque. The Gallery of Modern Art is located next to the State Library of Queensland and the Queensland Art Gallery.
The Brisbane Powerhouse in New Farm and the Judith Wright Centre of Contemporary Arts on Brunswick Street in Fortitude Valley also feature diverse programs featuring exhibitions and festivals of visual art, music and dance."

-Wikipedia

So the art scene is definitely awesome there.

What else did I find out? OH! They have a popular japanese garden there called Tsuki yama chisen. I think I might go see that. I'll also be introduced to different sports such as cricket, rugby, and netball. All of which I would like to take part of. Except rugby. I think you get tackled. Transportation I hear is really good. Trains, buses, and I could ever ride my bike depending where I am. I can also work. My vias only permits 20 hours a week but my rent will be cheaper than it is here so I'm happy about that.

I think i'm getting ahead of myself. But it's something I want. And that's my excuse for that.

Hopefully in a year i'll be heading off. Or at least close to it. I just really want to be able to reach and grab this opportunity. I gotta. I just gotta.

I'm growing quiet now. Long post.

Afraid of myself.

Kip Fullbeck said something in an interview once that i've been using for a while now. He said, "Don't ask me what I am but rather who I am." But let's ponder on the question 'What are you?' for a second. When I get that question people are usually asking about my nationality. I can give them the fraction answer or just the straight up "mutt" answer. I'm tired of saying "yes, I'm half Japanese" when most people guess i'm hawiian or philipino or mexican.

What are you?

Kip asked a ton of Hapa's that question and instead of giving typical answers that we're all probably tired of giving, people said what was really on their mind.

Then I got to wondering what I would answer. And I tried to answer. But the paper is still blank till this day. I'm afraid that when I do start writing something, I'll keep writing. And writing.... and writing.

I don't think i'm ready for that just yet.

Never thought i'd be afraid of what I am.

TUNES!

So I thought i'd share some of my favorite tunes of the moment:

Garles Barkley- The Odd Couple
Fanastic! Like Crazy but on crack.

Colbie Caillat- Coco
Honestly... I just love the simplicity. I just love Realize. LOVE IT.

John Mayer- Village Sessions
I love John's acoustic stuff and live stuff. Don't get me wrong, I love his regular albums too. I just kind of want to hear his whole album the way this was done.

Jordin Sparks- Self Titled
This girl hit the jackpot with No Air. Oh man. That's a great song.

Ratatat- Remixes Vol. 1
Oh Dear Jesus. I heart this album. Can't wait to get Vol. 2.

Regina Spektor- Begin To Hope
I didn't think I was going to like this cd but boy was I wrong. I like it. A lot.

Missy Higgins- On A Clear Night
I've had this cd on repeat since October when I saw her at Borders. I love Missy. Get it! It's discounted on itunes right now! And it's one of the best sellers too!

There's more. A lot more. But i'm getting tired of this uploading images. Till next time!

2:10am & my thoughts come alive

Being open minded is the best state of mind to be in.
It leaves lots of room for surprises and no room for expectations.

Bulletproof... I wish I was

I'll keep this short.

Try to have a pure moment as often as you can.
You and your thoughts and your surroundings.
It's limited, this time here on earth.
Spend some time just realizing what you have.

Thoughts are bulletproof. Ideas are bulletproof.

Only you can make them die.

[Nothing like some Radiohead to soundtrack this moment-- The Bends album. My favorite.]

Music Appropriately

A modern version of Dancing Cheek to Cheek sountracking this moment right now. Nice female jazz vocalist with a piano riff that caught my ear.

Music. It's brilliant isn't it?

Today we were driving north through these rolling green hills and there was this moment where we turned the bend and the vast ocean shore just appeared. And it just made you want to lose your breathe for a second. Moments that take your breath away need a song. And the first song that I wanted to hear was Clarity by John Mayer.

By the time I recognize this moment
This moment will be gone
But I will bend the light, pretend that it somehow lingered on

And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will pay no mind
That it won't and it won't because it can't
It just can't
It's not supposed to

(Preach it Johnny)

Now it's just a memory.

One of these days, I'm going to go on a road trip on my own and just let those moments come to me. Have pure moments and accept them and appreciate them as they are. I'll write them down in my journal, write a song, poem, anything. And then I won't be a girl with a ton of memories. I'd be a girl with a ton of a memories and a notebook full of art.

"Everybody's got to take a road trip, at least once in their lives. Just you and some music."
-Claire Colburn, from the movie Elizabethtown

Willie Nelson and Norah Jones just came on. And this blog is now the memory of Grandpa Willie singing Dreams Come True.

Appropriate. Very Appropriate.

Day 1: San Simeon Spring Break

I've never felt so right before.
San Simeon, CA is beautiful.
Wish I could show you a 4x6 of what you're missing.
But I guess you're just going to have to come with me next time.

This boutique hotel has a coffee shop feel.
Folk music in the lobby where i'm sitting at a desk.
Wish I could be here longer than 4 days.

Wonder why everything amazing has a timer set to it?
Counting down the seconds in the back of your mind.
Keeping you depressingly conscious.
I think that's why I never wear watches.
I hate time.

I wish I could stay somewhere long enough till I get sick of it-- oh wait,
been there, done that.

Anywho,
long day of traveling has come to an end.
& get this!
Breakfast is getting sent to my room =)

Sick Cylces

There's a certain helplessness you feel while you're sick. My body is a slave to my heart and my head. Wherever they tell it to go, it goes. Whatever it tells it to do, it does.

Then your body just says, "NO!" So simple of a remark and everything just goes downhill. Your mind says, "you're lying! get up! you're good!" But my body says, "NO!"

And then you realize how helpless you feel. A certain inability, vulnerability, weakness-- subjection to this fragile body. Everything hangs on how your body feels or reacts. And there's a certain reliance on your head and heart to keep the faith. Cause good health is only a few days away.

Isn't it funny how alone you feel when you're sick. At least I do. No one here. Just me. Trying to listen to my body.

Silence is loud when all you hear is your heart.

When Your Voice Fails; Use Post Its

I have a sore throat today. And I've been trying to experiment with post its. This is the outcome. It's not very good cause I took it with my digital camera and I had to diminish the volume of the song at the end... but you get the basic idea of what I was trying to do...

I hope.

You've Been Forewarned

Love Is Letting Go

Whoever coined those words knew what they were talking about.

I fancy myself to be one who is in control of her life. I've got my hands on the steering wheel and though the road is extremely shaky most of the time--i'm satisfied with knowing that the wheel is in my hands. However, I have never been in love before and i'm pretty sure that when I do, I'm going to have to share that wheel.

So this a forewarning to those who want to try and pursue me in the near future or the not so near future:

If you want me, you're gonna have to pry my hands off the steering wheel in order to win me over. I'm a force of nature that not many want to reckon with.

Don't say that I didn't warn you.

Home Body

I just picked up a copy of The Pride, my school's weekly independent student newspaper. I don't usually pick up a copy unless I'm in it, I know someone featured in it, or if I hear the art section is exceptionally good. Today, though, was different. I happened to read the headlining news titled 'Spring Fling Halted Early- Night under the stars takes terrible turn' and I was hooked.

Well, I kept reading on. I never read, but who can turn down a title so unexaggereated and unvarished. Well, it turns out that the Spring Fling was supposed to be a night under the stars on a yacht in the San Diego Harbor. Most people i'm guessing were under 21 and were already visibly inebriated. This is when it gets good. Picture a line of people in costly clothes, people with dates, people without dates, some high, some people who have a little buzz going on, some completely sober-- all waiting and anxious to have a great time. Then picture one person, boy or girl (you pick) and he or she turns pale in the face and vomits all over some innocent by standers.

Oh yeah. What a blast.

Then it goes on. The security lets these minors onto the boat where they are free to play at poker tables and dance on the dance floor. It so happens that the boat hadn't been out to sea for very long when the security said to head back to shore. He procalimed "this thing is over" after seeing a couple having sex in the middle of the poker room next to a dealer. Then someone decides to jump off the boat. Yes, that's right people... I go to Cal State San Marcos.

In a way, I kind of wish I was there. Not to be a part of the mayhem but to just be a fly on the wall for amusement's sake. On the other hand, I am so glad that I am the way I am and that I surround myself with people who when I start doing something completely ludicrous and absurd will say "Christina, stop--you look like an idiot."

I love to have fun, don't be mistaken. A few drinks, music, dancing... that is all fine by me! I am up for a good time. But when you're looking like a fool throwing up and jumping off boats in the middle of the night-- I think i'd have a lot more fun just sitting at home watching a Jane Austen inspired movie and making a little home inside my bed.

In that way, I am definitely a home body. Never thought i'd say that since i'm all about traveling and looking for a new world that i've never seen before.

However, this is an exception.

Home body I am. Yeah...